Good morning, students! I’m Professor Michael Celani, and if I were to mention how card games are a stupid subject for a course, you wouldn’t be able to tell if I was making fun of Yu-Gi-Oh! GX or Tolarian Community College. Now, as students, most of what I say to you won’t matter since you’re all gonna automate your assignments with Claude, so if you listen to one thing this entire semester, make it this: there are twenty quadrillion ants in the world, and all of them know where you live. Be prepared.
Unlike normal set reviews, my Jank Ranks analyze each newly-printed commander through the lens of discovering the most conceptually interesting among them. I consider each card’s novelty, flexibility, and play patterns to determine which are worth building and which are value-slop. Class is in session!
Quintorius, History Chaser
“History Chaser” is such a bizarre epithet. History already happened, idiot, it’s not like it’s gonna change.
Anyway, I quite like Quintorius. Not because he’s original or anything, heavens no; Quintorius is to The Last of Us (2022) as Quintorius is to The Last of Us (2013). We did get a Quintorius last year, but that’s more of a Quintorius Gaiden, since this Quintorius actually wants to attack with his army of Spirits instead of merely sacrificing them for value. And don’t even get me started on Quintorius; I’d be here all day.
As a planeswalker — and y’know what, the bit’s gone on long enough — History Chaser is much more vulnerable than Field Historian ever was, but he makes up for it by being one mana cheaper, looting on his own, and having a way better on-demand buff. It’s as if Field Historian and Daretti merged, creating one substantially more open-ended commander.
It’s that flexibility that draws me to him. You can reanimate artifacts, play with flashback, exile your own graveyard, or go for Spirit typal. Ghost Vacuum, anyone? You can even mix and match strategies in the same list if you want to hedge your bets. This is one of those commanders where if two of them sit down at a table together, you could face totally different playstyles, and I always appreciate that in a face commander.
Excava, the Risen Past
I’m hemming and hawing over whether or not I’m on board with Excava, the Risen Past. It’s got the makings of an interesting deck, but there’s just so much baggage attached. You can reanimate every permanent type that matters (as long as it costs three mana or less). It comes back as a creature (but only as a 1/1, and with a finality counter to boot). You can only target things your grandma’s knitted for you. Stuff like that kills my enthusiasm for jank.
Beyond reanimating Solemnity, I’m struggling to figure out what category of cards would be interesting to play with Excava while still navigating its Byzantine restrictions. Maybe attempting to subvert those restrictions is a fool’s errand, and I should just accept that some of my permanents are going to get exiled to finality counters. Perhaps what I truly need is humility.
Nah, fuck that. Anything that blinks itself or another permanent makes a lot of sense; Flickerwisp could enter from the graveyard and refresh one of your other creatures that have a finality counter. In particular, Kamigawa Sagas like Era of Enlightenment fit that description pretty well, since they’ll eventually flip into their creature side once they run out of chapters. You can also blink Astral Slide with itself, which is neat.
What else? Those indestructible artifact lands would make great creatures, though animating them is a bit of a known quantity at this point. Anthems like Glorious Anthem also work, since they buff each other up, eliminating the small-potatoes power-and-toughness problem.
Out of Time is particularly nasty if everyone’s got their commander out. Since it’s a creature itself, it’ll phase itself out alongside the rest of the board, rendering everything unrecoverable — and since phasing creatures out doesn’t cause them to change zones, commanders can’t be redirected to the command zone, either.
Unfortunately, none of these ideas scream jank to me. I looked and looked for cards that really get me going, but I just couldn’t find anything. If anyone has an interesting idea, let me know, and I’ll post it up here for ya. I’ll also give you twenty dollars. I’m serious.
Rootha, Mastering the Moment
Rootha, Mastering the Moment masters the moment by adding way more of them.
Yes, extra combat spells are the name of the game here, since they’re not only very expensive (generating gigantic tokens), they also boost the number of Rootha triggers you get.
Seriously, Rootha into Full Throttle represents a full six-plus-twelve-plus-eighteen damage in the air over three combats, and if you’re investing in Spark Doubles (and their just-expensive-enough sorcery variants), double that at each step.
You can also lean into spells that pay for themselves in ways other than mana. A massive March of Swirling Mist could be a game-ender here, since not only do you generate a 20/20 at combat, you’re also phasing out any flying blockers that could dare chump it.
For a more jank take on this commander, I’d eschew the obvious method of creating big tokens and instead lean into temporary clone effects. After all, once you’ve made a 5/5, all you have to do is copy it a few times to knock out an opponent.
I don’t think there’s as much depth here for big fat spell typal as say, Tellah, Great Sage, but Rootha, Mastering the Moment is definitely flashy and fun to play, if nothing else.
Muddle, the Ever-Changing
This is the first commander for whom I have a truly jank strategy in mind, and it all starts with getting a nonlegendary Muddle into the mix.
You see, Muddle, the Ever-Changing becomes a copy of up to one target nonlegendary creature you control — not a copy of up to one other target nonlegendary creature you control. Once your mundane Muddle is in place, simply cast instants and sorceries to keep turning it into itself.
Because the additional myriad is a copiable effect, you can layer myriad on top of myriad on top of myriad. Eventually, you can go to combat, get all those myriad triggers on the stack, and then cast one final instant to turn Muddle into whatever it is you actually want to copy.
In that sense, Muddle shares a lot with Irma, Part-Time Mutant, who goes tall instead of wide through a similar method of ping-ponging copy effects between different copies of her. Thanks to the ease of setup, I think Irma is the better general, but you have much more opportunity for jank with the red and blue otter.
Zimone, Infinite Analyst
Zimone, Infinite Analyst gave me flashbacks to Mean Streets of Gadgetzan’s endless obsession with the question, “but what if we summoned an even larger man?”
This literally-just-Elementalist's Palette-in-the-command-zone will run exactly Elusive Otter, Repulsive Mutation, Strength of the Tajuru, and all the creatures and instants with 
in the cost because Zimone discounts the first spell you cast every turn, not just your own. Add in a counter doubler and it will be fat green guy central. Deck builds itself.
Primo, the Unbounded
On the other hand, Primo, the Unbounded has a bit more going on. You might be tempted to go all -Hydras, since they usually have a printed statline of 0/0, but there are plenty of other ways to get 0-power creatures on the board.
Off the top of my head, we’ve got incubate, amass, awaken, living weapon, earthbend, Karnstructs, Rise and Shine, Slime Against Humanity, and not-quite-characteristic-defining-ability creatures like Multani, Yavimaya's Avatar.
If you build an actual awaken deck with this guy at the helm, you have my utmost respect. You’ll lose, but you’ll have my respect.
Dina, Essence Brewer
What is there to say here? Dina, Essence Brewer has Do-the-Thing Syndrome, my nebulously defined diagnosis for any commander that incentivizes you to Do a Thing by stacking value on top of it while, at the same time, supplying a way to Do That Thing.
My suspicion is that the Venn diagram of Dina decks and Jenova, Ancient Calamity decks are a perfect circle. She’s absurd with Persist creatures, she can draw tons of cards per turn cycle, and she also grants you incidental lifegain on top of that. Slap down a Greater Good and you’ll never want for anything. Snore!
Gorma, the Gullet
Gorma, on the other hand, makes me giddy, and I swear it’s not a furry thing this time, guys.
I’m totally down for the big mana playstyle where you sacrifice a bunch of creatures to something like Ashnod's Altar to pay for a spell that brings them all back. Imagine throwing five creatures into that maw only to revive them with five +1/+1 counters. Hilarious! Nothing could possibly sour me on this gem of a—
Oh, that’s right.
Guys, please stop building Persist combo decks. We have so many options that break Persist wide open in every color identity that could practically support the mechanic, and like that onion in my pantry I refuse to throw out, we’ve had these options for years. They are all functionally identical.
Do yourself a favor. I insist that you resist the persist (T-shirts and bumper stickers coming soon). You will love your games much more if you allow people to play more cards in them, trust me.
Killian, Decisive Mentor
Like Eriette of the Charmed Apple? Here’s another one. They’re even on the same team! That’s right, you’ve been mathematically called out.
Although we’ve seen this strategy before, I will say that Killian has the deeper gameplay when compared to his fairy-tale forebear. Enchant an enemy creature to keep your draw engines up, then play enchantment creatures or even Role-generating cards to repeatedly goad specific targets.
I wouldn’t sleep on that free tap, either. If you can reliably cast or flicker enchantments at instant speed, you could really render an enemy defenseless right before that commander you’ve been building up has to take a swing. Unfortunately, this isn’t Azorius, so you can’t abuse Hylda of the Icy Crown to generate more icy value than the gross box office returns of Frozen, but hey! It’s not nothing, either.
Scriv, the Obligator
Okay, the Contract tokens really needed to goad whatever they got attached to. Wow, a whole +2/+0? That’ll sure convince your opponent to toss their commander into the maws of Rhys the Redeemed-McFifty-Tokens.
And deciding between that and losing two life? My God, it’s like Sophie’s Choice with every combat step. Ignore the fact that your potential victims of a weaponized Department of Justice here actually have the option to just not swing at all, which renders your commander a 2/3 flier for four that does nothing of consequence when it enters or attacks.
Okay, I suppose it triggers Constellation and Eerie, but so does the infinitely more flexible Zur the Enchanter. Pick your poison.
Lorehold, the Historian
And now we reach the Elder Dragon cycle of the set. These five two-colored commanders each give some gigantic buff to instants and sorceries. For example, Lorehold, the Historian grants them all an astounding miracle 
, which he can legally do because he doesn’t have access to blue and therefore can’t cheat out Time Stretch. No, no, don’t look at Rise of the Eldrazi, don’t look at—
It really doesn’t take much effort to turn into 
; in fact, I turned two gigantic mushrooms in my shower into zero just last week with a little butter. If you’ve got enough top deck manipulation, you can easily cast an absurd spell every single turn. Even without topdeck manipulation, you can still do stuff like bin Portal to Phyrexia and then wait for the Refurbish to end the game on the spot.
Unfortunately, it’ll still be difficult for a Lorehold, the Historian deck to escape from the spectre of “just cheat big spells fam,” but c’mon. You’re rummaging every turn. There’s plenty of avenues to play with in the graveyard here.
Prismari, the Inspiration
Now here’s a commander that wins the game if you’re ever allowed to untap with it. That’s par for the course for Izzet lately, so the thing that gets me about Prismari, the Inspiration is that piddly-ass ward cost. Please, someone make it make sense.
What’s the thought process of the person cowed by such a meager tax? “If Prismari untaps, he’s gonna cast two cantrips and then Expropriate! We’ll lose on the spot! But if I target Prismari, the Inspiration, then I’ll have to pay five life. Hmm…”
Honestly, I’m just gonna go full caveman mode and put no threatening spells in the deck at all. Just cantrips, and every turn I’ll get more incredulous and frustrated that I can’t find my win condition despite drawing tons of cards every turn. But look at all these Counterspells I’ve picked up along the way! They’re gonna pay five life every time trying to remove a dragon that does nothing. It’s the perfect crime!
Quandrix, the Proof
There are three versions of Quandrix, the Proof: Imoti, Celebrant of Bounty, Nexus of Fate, and the version that runs only one-mana cantrips in a desperate attempt to guarantee Hypergenesis. There are no other options.
Witherbloom, the Balancer
I’m trying to think of unique ways to build these dragons, but they’re all straightforward enough to have an obvious best strategy and linear enough to put forth no good alternatives. Anyone who understands the game immediately lands on the optimal playstyle for these guys, and that’s sad. I’m sad. I ate seven cheese wedges last night.
Yeah, Witherbloom, the Balancer is going to grant your instants and sorceries a discount that scales with the number of creatures you control, so obviously you’re gonna make it compound on itself by playing nothing but spells that generate more creatures. Why wouldn’t you? It’s not like cheating out spells is particularly hard to do, so you take the one thing this commander does well and you do it. Maybe the last one will impress me.
Silverquill, the Disputant
Silverquill, the Disputant grants all your instants and sorceries an astounding casualty 1, which he can legally do because he doesn’t have access to blue and therefore can’t copy Time Stretch for free. No, no, don’t look at Rise of the Eldrazi, don’t look at—
Big spells aside, one actually fascinating way to build Silverquill, the Disputant is reanimator, and before you throw rocks at my house telling me that Orzhov reanimator is not an interesting idea, hear me out. Casualty is an additional cost bolted onto each instant and sorcery, so by the time the copy actually goes on the stack, the creature you sacrificed to pay the cost is in the graveyard.
Basically, you cast Reanimate targeting a creature, you sacrifice another creature to copy it, and then your copy targets the creature you just sacrificed. It’s blink-through-the-graveyard! Isn’t that cool?
Augusta, Order Returned
The dream: four counters on a creature per turn. The reality: you’re not consistently milling everyone in white in such a way that you avoid putting land cards in their graveyard.
Well, perhaps a liberal application of Lion Sash (and similar cards) might trim graveyards to a point where Augusta, Order Returned works. Honestly, I’d love to give it a shot, but even magical Christmasland leaves coal in your stocking every once in a while.
Ennis, Debate Moderator
If you diligently blink or exile a permanent on every single one of your turns, Ennis, Debate Moderator will be a vanilla 6/6 on turn six. By comparison, Colossal Dreadmaw is a 6/6 with trample that you can cast with no pomp or circumstance whatsoever on turn six. The more you know.
Jadzi, Steward of Fate // Oracle's Gift
When Jadzi, Steward of Fate // Oracle's Gift enters, you draw two cards and discard two cards, which is uninterestingly fine for a blink target. It’s not card advantage, but it is card selection, and when you’ve drawn nothin’ but Island for four turns, you’ll be happy you’ve got that extra safety net.
But you’re not here for some Faithless Looting. You’re here because the failure to prepare is the preparation to fail.1
Some creatures this set can be prepared, and when they are, you gain access to their signature spell. You can cast a copy of it as though it was in your hand, and a lot of those spells are ridiculous. Replenish? Ancestral Recall? Freakin’ Channel?
While those spells rule, Oracle’s Gift, decidedly, does not. The math just doesn’t add up; it’s a 1/1 for three, two 2/2s for five, and three 3/3s for 7, which sucks no matter what way you slice it. Sure, the calculus changes slightly once you start casting multiple copies of it, but honestly, just find a better use for your mana.
Orysa, Tide Choreographer
Orysa, Tide Choreographer is, for all intents and purposes, a sidegrade to Mulldrifter. They can both be played for the same full price of five mana, but you gotta be in different decks to take advantage of each one’s respective discount.
I’ll put it simply. You’re not gonna replace Mulldrifter if your deck is full of instant-speed blink spells, since it’s just way too easy to bypass the evoke sacrifice. Now if your deck is full of massive asses, then you just might want to make the switch.
What’s that? Oh, you’re wondering about her application in the command zone? Easy; there isn’t, because Plagon, Lord of the Beach exists and basically does everything better.
Arnyn, Deathbloom Botanist
Arnyn, Deathbloom Botanist is no prize when it comes to bog-standard aristocrats, but there’s a part of me that wants to load up on tokens only to win with an appropriately subsidized Toxic Deluge. After all, all those creatures would die with 0 toughness. Perhaps there’s a secret romance brewing here with Massacre Girl? Now where’d I put that sticky note that had my password to my AO3…
Moseo, Vein's New Dean
Discount Celestine, the Living Saint — and honestly, extra points off for the fact you have to gain life to get the trigger to fire, meaning you can’t just reanimate Ornithopter over and over.
Mica, Reader of Ruins
My first thought upon seeing Mica, Reader of Ruins was Treasure. So many red instants and sorceries bolster your investment portfolio these days, and if you play under the assumption that you’ll always have at least one dollar in the bank (avert your eyes, 25% of Americans), then Mica basically reads ”
: Copy the next instant or sorcery spell you cast.”
I think most players will focus on the spells that you copy, but that’s only half the equation. Remember, every instant and sorcery spell you cast is now a sac outlet for an artifact; what could you do with that power?
I’m sure smarter people than me will come up with some sort of convoluted KCI-style loop, but for me, Ugin's Nexus is calling, and if you get Feldon of the Third Path online, your options become insane. Challenge yourself to create a deck that isn’t all just Crackle with Powers.
Emil, Vastlands Roamer
If you’re interested in tying your lands to combat, I have a hard time recommending this over, say, Obuun, Mul Daya Ancestor, Jolrael, Voice of Zhalfir, or basically any earthbending commander, but I can at least appreciate that Emil, Vastlands Roamer really pushes you towards a bunch of weird utility lands nobody in their right mind should ever touch. Hollow Trees, anyone?
Nev, the Practical Dean
Nev’s pretty neat. He’s kind of like a Voltron-focused version of Zaxara, the Exemplary or Runadi, Behemoth Caller; instead of creating a creature that’s as big as , you instead put the counters directly on your commander. It’ll take some time for him to become a real threat, and lacking any built-in evasion is a real bummer, but as someone who increasingly just wants to turn off their brain and forget about the current year, Nev’s a breath of fresh air.
Aziza, Mage Tower Captain
As a little peek behind the curtain, I often start writing these articles without having seen all the commanders, and reading Aziza, Mage Tower Captain for the first time right now, my initial thought is that her Recommander page is going to be full of instants and sorceries that create armies in a can. In fact, I’d be shocked if it was anything else. Here we go:
Stunning.
Kirol, History Buff // Pack a Punch
Kirol, History Buff is the worst kind of paranoid: they’re always prepared, but they’ve prepared in a really shitty way. Like, stored-only-dill-pickles-for-food-in-their-nuclear-bomb-shelter levels of prepared in a really shitty way.
If it wasn’t obvious, paying 
for Pack a Punch doesn’t even remotely excite me. It comes off as one of those mana-dump activated abilities that Wizards puts on one-drops so that you can do something with them turn seven.
I will say this, though: constant access to a sorcery that targets makes Kirol a great Heroic (and to a lesser extent, Valiant and Repartee) commander. You’ll never worry about actually finding the combat tricks to trigger those creatures, so long as you’re willing to put up with paying for a subpar one.
Sanar, Unfinished Genius // Wild Idea
Endless Twiddles. You know it, I know it, Sanar’s going to be one of those decks that plays nothin’ but ersatz Viziers and generates ten Treasure per turn, probably without any sort of real wincon to back it up. Everyone’s got one of these guys in their pod.
Also, Wild Idea is definitely finding Dramatic Reversal for the inevitable Isochron Scepter infinite mana combo. If you’re gonna be a dick to your friends, at least have the decency to add a spoiler copy of Scrambleverse to your deck so that if you’re having a bad game you can completely invalidate every decision everyone’s made up to that point.
Berta, Wise Extrapolator
Okay, here’s the plan: load Berta up with Spontaneous Mutation, Disturbing Conversion, or Fear of Death, and then just shotgun one-mana cantrip spells. I don’t know how the hell you win after you pull that off (probably Brain Freeze), but it’s sure as hell funny.
I’m also obligated to mention that can be zero when it comes to that activated ability. You can tap Berta to create a beautiful, inspired representation of life in the pure form of a perfect Fractal, only for it to immediately collapse from a critical lack of ass. Add untappers to sully God’s creation even more rapidly, and don’t forget to follow my referral link to save 0.5% on Fecundity!
Tam, Observant Sequencer // Deep Sight
BREAKING: New Simic Commander Lets You Draw a Card AND Play an Extra Land!
Blech, Loafing Pest
Turning every single Pest, Bat, Insect, Snake, and Spider into its own Ajani's Pridemate makes Blech, Loafing Pest a tantalizing option for non-white lifegain. It’s not uncommon for a Golgari lifegain deck to bump up their life totals three or four times a turn.
And that was my verdict before I did the double take and realized that the Pest tokens gain life when they swing instead of when they die this time around, so going wide with Pests actually seems like a winning prospect instead of just a meme strategy.
In that regard, the commander most analogous to Blech, Loafing Pest is actually Linden, the Steadfast Queen, of all creatures. You don’t really need to give your board more than three +1/+1 counters before it starts becoming a serious threat.
Lluwen, Exchange Student // Pest Friend
Honestly, just build a cycling deck, keep maybe five to ten creatures around that actually care about instants and sorceries, and go to town casting Pest Friend over and over. I can’t wait to blast my opponents into the stratosphere the instant Professor Onyx hits the field.
Abigale, Poet Laureate // Heroic Stanza
This feels like the Orzhov version of Kirol, History Buff, and we’ve seen better commanders this set for abusing Persist. The most jank way I can think to take Abigale, Poet Laureate is to actually target enemy creatures to commit crimes, but that’s mostly for the Weird Al jokes.
Nita, Forum Conciliator
If you’re just looking for instant and sorcery theft, you’re substantially better off with Hama, the Bloodbender, who gives you a much longer window to cast your spell of choice, lets you waterbend instead of paying mana, doesn’t exile what you cast so you can lock down the game the moment someone commits the grave error of daring to wipe the board, and she has blue instead of white, making her much better at milling a variety of instants and sorceries into enemy graveyards.
No, you’ve really gotta be playing theft in general to make Nita, Forum Conciliator worthwhile, and that’s because the important part of the card is actually the first line and not the second, longer one your brain naturally gravitates to as a seasoned Magic player. Any time you cast a spell that doesn’t belong to you, your whole board gets buffed, and like I said earlier, that’s only gotta happen three or four times before everyone’s in trouble.
Page, Loose Leaf
Not for us. Even in terms of Grandeur commanders, this one blows, since there’s almost no interesting colorless instants and sorceries. Leave this one to the limited players.
The Dawning Archaic
And finally, again, not for us. Seriously, look at these and tell me you’re excited to recur any of these for free. Then remember that Rise of the Eldrazi exiles itself when you cast it.
Summer Break
Despite the set as a whole being absolutely amazing, the actual commanders on offer don’t excite me very much. It’s disappointing that nothing really capitalized on the new mechanics of the set in a way that offers something that feels unique and distinct from previous releases. It feels like I’ve read all these cards before; very few lines of text wowed me the way Avatar: The Last Airbender or Final Fantasy cards did. Boy, that’s kind of a sad sentence to write.
Magic has such a rich tapestry of instant- and sorcery-based mechanics; lean into that by expanding on them in unique ways. Instead of Lorehold offering yet another Quintorius, why not a commander that lets you use exiled flashback spells as fuel for something? Or perhaps a Quandrix commander that sets to some number, no matter how much mana you spend? Silverquill wants to target stuff this set, so how about a Silverquill commander that copies spells you cast on your own creatures twice, but you have to radiate those copies to enemy creatures, so you’re basically incentivized to reflect removal off your own creatures to do it? It’s basically the same thing as casualty 1, but it sounds so much cooler! There’s no commander that cares about prepared creatures at all, how did they miss that?
There were a lot of opportunities for creativity in this set, but Wizards played it safe, and now was not a good time to hang back. The throughline I’m noticing as I write these reviews is that Universes Beyond gets the cool designs, and Universes Within gets the “practical” ones. Wizards, if you want to get people excited about your own in-house IP, this feels like the exact wrong way to go about it. Hopefully, Reality Fracture will give me some of that planar chaos I so desperately crave. ⁂
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Footnotes
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This is a quote from Maradonia and the Shadow Empire, which is a spectacular movie to watch inebriated (assuming you can find a copy). ↩